Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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