Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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