I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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