You can't special order awesome
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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