Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
