im six kinds of drunk right now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
