What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize