i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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