If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
