he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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