you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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