No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
