While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
