Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
