My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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