Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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