Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
being pregnant is like rehab
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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