so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize