I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh god it's open bar.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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