My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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