I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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