last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
