Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
