The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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