Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
