He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
