I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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