I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
