Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
