my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize