I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
