my vag is so smooth its legendary
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize