Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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