Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
