Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
