My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
