i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
