Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
