im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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