im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
