Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
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