You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
