Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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