and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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