He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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