Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
