I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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