im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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