how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
