Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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