so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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