I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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