Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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