ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
