Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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